Nourishment

I'm good at making lists. Maybe too good. I make mulitples lists, get overwhelmed, sometimes letting my lists defeat me. But when I get the chance to mark things off a list, boy oh boy. So in these sleepless teeny tiny baby days, when the only thing I know I'll do for sure is get up around 4am to nurse my 8 week old, I make lots and lots of lists: mental lists. I sit in the dark and I compose letters and stories and Christmas ideas. Sometimes I feel inspired, sometimes I feel heavy with the growing lists of things I hope to accomplish. And in these aforementioned teeny tiny baby days, I can also feel pretty indecisive, what with all the constant decision making that's sorta thrown upon you when you have a child of any age. So while an idea might seem grand in the wee hours of the night, I begin to second-guess it the next day. Or second-guess my ability to put forth the energy to see the idea through. Last night, the theme of the 4am mental planning session was blogs. I go back and forth about how I feel about them, whether or not I want one, and what my motivation is or should be for having one. And like my lists, they can inspire me one day and bring me down the next. However, right now I need some motivation to create and I need it bad. So I figure it can't hurt too bad to follow the scattered morsels of popcorn into the world of blogging. I could put it off, like I've done countless times before, and I could make lists of what I'd like to have together before I start. Or I could tell myself that I'll start once I've settled into being a mother of two. But what if my littlest one starts sleeping through the night soon and I don't have all these nightly sessions full of growing (and nagging) creative to-do lists? I may actually miss them and I may miss the chance to triumphantly mark some items off my list(s).